


my greatest grief, my deepest desire

by bunivy



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Pining, Post-Break Up, Tumblr Prompt, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:09:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunivy/pseuds/bunivy
Summary: She could put her hand out and touch Nick, but she couldn’t hold him, couldn’t kiss him, couldn’t slot her nose into the corner of his neck like she had once loved to do. Couldn’t run her fingers through his curls, hear him sigh against her lips. Could be the first person Nick loved, but not the last.(a collection of tumblr prompts.)
Relationships: Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	1. Is that blood?

**Author's Note:**

> based on tumblr prompts from [this](https://bunivys.tumblr.com/post/633544302950236160/prompt-list-1) post.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is that blood?” 
> 
> “Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” 
> 
> “You are literally bleeding.”

Sabrina raced through the woods, the howling of the wind snapping at her ears as the shadows caved in around her, grabbing at her ankles, digging into skin. She hopped over a fallen log, narrowly missing the thin, ghastly set of fingers that reached for her through the branches. Her left arm had already been clawed up by one of the ghouls, leaking blood down the sleeve of her sweater.

_Sabrina, Sabrina,_ the wind whispered. _Daughter of the Devil. Bringer of chaos._

Sabrina grit her teeth together, wishing she could drown out the sound.

_Let us have you,_ the trees seemed to sing. _Let us rid the world of you._

Finally, she broke through the edge of the forest, stumbling into the clearing beside the Academy. She ran over the old, worn down railroad tracks and paused to look behind her as the shadows sank back into the woods, gone for now. She took up running again once she was certain she wasn’t being chased anymore, in search of her aunt Zelda. She had to warn them of what had sprung up in the Greendale wood, of the things that lurked in the dark.

What she hadn’t expected was to collide straight into Nick as he was exiting the Academy. She stumbled back, and he caught her around the waist before she went tumbling down the stone steps. The touch made her heart flutter, strange and yet familiar all the same, until she reminded herself that she and Nick were done, and her heart came tumbling back down into place.

Of all the people for her to run into, of course, it had to be her ex-boyfriend, the guy she was hardly on speaking terms with. 

“Nicholas—”

“Is that blood?” he asked, cutting her off, eyes burning through the sleeve of her sweater where her blood was still warm on her skin.

“Yes, but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is—”

Nick’s brown eyes snapped from the wound to meet hers, concern riddled. “You are literally bleeding,” he cut in and Sabrina flinched at his tone, at the worry that laced his voice. 

He touched the spot, as though trying to gauge how bad it was, and the unexpected caress made her wince. She couldn’t quite tell whether it was from the pain or the realization that she still yearned for his hands, even if she shouldn’t. 

“We need to find your aunt Hilda, she can stop the bleeding. For now…” He glanced at her once, hesitating, as though not sure of his next action, before he set his palm against the wound on her arm and pressed, in hopes of slowing the bleeding. “Come on.” Though she knew the pressure was necessary, it still sent a shot of pain through her arm and shoulder.

With it, Sabrina was pulled back to reality, one that existed with them separated, with Nick shouting at her that she wasn’t worth it, and with her hurting him as deep as she had. When Nick associated with her, he only ran into trouble. But as much as Sabrina wanted to snatch her arm back, to declare that she was no longer his problem, she found herself leaning into him, wanting him like she knew she shouldn’t.

“Who hurt you?” Nick asked as they started into the Academy, him guiding her speedily toward the medical ward. 

“I don’t know…” she realized. “I don’t know what it was, but it tried to grab me.”

Sabrina cast one last glance toward the sliver of green from the woods before the Academy door swung closed on it. 

_Devil’s daughter,_ the wind cooed, slipping in through the crack just before it sealed, _join us in the dark._


	2. I love you / You shouldn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you.” 
> 
> “You shouldn’t.”

Fire simmered just beyond the wall, Sabrina ducking behind it and dropping to the floor beside Nick. Outside, the Queen of Hell, Sabrina Morningstar, rained fury down on anything that moved, while Sabrina Spellman hid, waiting it out. Their plan to ambush the lost-to-power Queen hadn’t gone as according to plan, and it had ended with them scattering, retreating for cover.

“You agreed to this, Sabrina,” the Queen called. “You wanted a normal life, and you got it. I wanted to rule, and I got it. What’s the problem? Why have you suddenly changed your mind? You got what you wanted!”

Sabrina pressed her lips together, shutting her eyes for a moment as she resisted yelling back. She knew the Queen only wanted to draw her out, to figure out where they were hiding so that she could shower them with Hellfire. And that would not work if Sabrina wanted to merge the two of them back together. Both of them had to survive, and Sabrina had to see to it, even if her own powers had dwindled while the Queen’s grew.

Sabrina had not gotten what she’d wanted. Yes, she had wanted a normal life, and yes, she had made a selfish mistake, but after the events of the last month, she had come to terms with what had to be done. Time had gone wonky, things had begun to leak through the tender laceration they had created—dark things. Things that would bring upon the end of the world.

Yet again, Sabrina Spellman had to save the world. And yet again, she felt as though she was failing.

Beside her, Nick pressed a palm into the slash at his waist. “So, the other Sabrina is a peach,” he commented a tad sarcastically. 

Sabrina sighed, peeking around the corner for a moment. Her family and her friends were all there, hiding away, blurred by the thick wall of hellfire the Queen had raised around her. She couldn’t let them burn because of her. And Nick, with that awful gash sunk deep into his skin. He wouldn’t last long with it, if she continued to waste time.

Pressing her back into the wall once again, she bit her lip and decided she needed to jump into action.

“I love you,” she said to the warlock beside her.

It hung in the air between for a moment, Nick frozen. She couldn’t look at him, so she stared ahead, watched the shadows of the fire dancing along the wall of the palace.

Carefully, he said, “You shouldn’t.”

She knew what he meant. She had tried to sever her feeling for him via two red candles with a joined wick, had tossed it all aside because she had been hurt. Weeks of firsts, of new love, of yearning for him while was away—all of it, down the drain.

And worse, she had never told Nick. He’d had to walk in on the remnants of the candles himself. Had to see his name carved into one. Had to see Harvey’s there alongside it, confirming his insecurities.

Sabrina closed her eyes again. She didn’t want to cry. “I know I shouldn’t…The candle…but I do, Nick. It didn’t work.”

“No,” Nick said softly like he hadn’t been thinking of the candle at all. “I—you _shouldn’t,_ Sabrina. What good has it gotten you before?” 

“It doesn’t matter, Nick.” She finally turned to face him, offered him a small smile, and said, “I’ve loved you before, and now I love you again, and it doesn’t matter if it’s good for either of us, because it’s the truth. Please, whatever happens, know that I love you, okay? And I’m so sorry that I tried to erase that.”

Nick’s face shifted through several emotions. Shock, first, and then, to a tender, pain-riddled longing. Finally, fear washed it all out once he realized what she was doing.

“No,” Nick said, “No, no, no, Sabrina—” 

She kissed him once on the cheek and then slipped away from his reach, even as he threw himself painfully onto his knees, then to feet, swaying from the blood loss but refusing to give up. He was desperate as he grabbed for her, but she was quicker.

“Sabrina,” Nick pleaded, his voice thick with panic, _“don’t.”_

Sabrina didn’t cave, even if it hurt to listen to him, the ache in his voice echoing painfully in her mind. She came out from behind the wall, ran toward the fire. Sliding through it was easy, the fire not burning her, but rather, welcoming her as she came to stand before the Queen. Her mirror. A harsh, sick reminder of what she was deep down, what she feared herself becoming—power-hungry, selfish, a replica of her father.

“We end this here,” Sabrina said. “We merge whether you want it or not.”


	3. Don't look at me like that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t look at me like that.” 
> 
> “Like what?” 
> 
> “Like you still love me.”

Sabrina stood aside, surveying the Baxter High gym in all its over the top, decorated glory. Time had come for the Fall Dance, an event that took place a few weeks before her birthday. Confetti filled balloons of oranges and reds hung in bundles around the room, some floating up into the tall ceilings, their retrieval no doubt the future responsibility of some disgruntled employee and a very tall ladder. There were fall leaves taped to every damn thing in sight, and as much as Sabrina loved Fall, belonged to the season, relished in it, she found she couldn’t quite enjoy the event.

Her friends were out on the floor. Harvey dancing with Roz, Theo with Robin. None of them had wanted to leave her by herself, offering for her to join them, but she had insisted they go. She wasn’t there to fifth wheel, but even so, she felt utterly and painfully alone. 

And to top it off, Nick was there.

He had shown up at the beginning of the school year, clad in a letterman jacket, already having charmed his way into the heart of Baxter High—quite literally. Nick had actually charmed his way in with a _spell._ Sabrina had been so incredibly mad, and even more so when Prudence showed up. This was her territory, her piece of mortal life, now infiltrated by her other world. When her aunt Zelda told her it had been necessary, as they’d received several threats from Blackwood, to stay together as a coven, Sabrina had thrown a fit.

It hadn’t ended well, as was obvious given that Nick was currently tucked off to the side and chatting with Prudence, still very much a student of the school.

Sabrina wanted to crush the paper cup between her fingers when she watched the two of the slink out of the gym. She reminded herself that she had no right to feel jealous. Nick had broken up with her, and she had tried—tried—to sever her feelings for him. If he wanted to go make out with Prudence against the lockers, it wasn’t her place to say anything. 

The candle spell hadn’t worked, but it was times like these she wished it had. 

Sabrina stuck a thumbs up in the air to Roz, who had looked over, checking in with her. She offered her the biggest smile she could and motioned for the set of doors behind her, mouthing ‘bathroom’ back to the girl. Roz gave her a nod and then Sabrina left with no intention of heading to the bathroom at all.

Instead, she spilled out of the school and into the courtyard, gulping fresh air as she did. Sabrina kicked off her heels, sick of the painful things eager for a break from them. Leaving them off to the side for the time being, she wandered down the stone steps.

Some days, her heart was heavy. Other days, she was angry. Occasionally, she felt happy, or she felt nothing at all. Soon, she would learn it was because the Queen of Hell was hurting, too, and Sabrina could feel everything she could, no matter the difference in realm. That, paired with the loneliness she felt, made for changes in mood so severe they often felt as though they were destroying her, tearing her in half.

She stopped in her tracks when she nearly ran into someone.

Nick stood several feet ahead, his back to her, looking up at the sky. 

Sabrina turned on her heels, suddenly wanting to be elsewhere, but Nick had already spotted her. 

“Sabrina.”

“Nicholas.”

She saw him wince at the use of his full name, no matter how quickly he covered it.

“Where’s Prudence? I thought you guys were off together.”

“She’s surveying the other end of the school,” Nick explained, seeming a little surprised that she had noticed. “Your aunt said we might have trouble tonight, and to be mindful.”

“Right,” Sabrina said, suddenly feeling stupid that she had, for a split second, worried about him being with someone else. If Nick noticed, he didn’t mention it. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. “I thought you were with your friends.”

“I am.” She paused briefly, wondering why Nick cared, or if he was just trying to make small talk. She thought for a moment about leaving and saving them both the awkward encounter. But she didn’t. Instead, she stayed, unable to make herself disappear even though she desperately craved it. “They’re um, dancing. With each other. It’d be weird if I tried to squeeze in. Be the fifth wheel, or whatever.”

Nick raised a brow, the way he did whenever a mortal term he didn’t understand arose, and asked, “Fifth wheel?”

That’s right. Witches didn’t have things like third wheels, or fourth wheels, or any wheels. They welcomed almost anyone into their tangle and weren’t exactly picky. The term was unnecessary, a stupid mortal quirk. 

“It’s when…” She paused, trying to explain it properly. “When you feel like you don’t belong. Like, Roz and Harvey are together, and so are Robin and Theo…if I came in, it’d be awkward. I’d be an extra.”

“When you feel like you don’t belong,” Nick repeated, nodding as he looked off toward the stars again. “I think I’m familiar.”

Sabrina had to chuckle at that. “Sure,” she found herself saying. “The whole gym looked ready to dance with you. I’m sure you belong just fine, Nicholas.”

“They’re charmed,” Nick reminded her with a pang of something in his voice Sabrina couldn’t quite place. Hurt, perhaps. “They think I’m one of them. Just like they think Prudence is. They don’t actually like _me.”_

Nick said it like he was unlikable. Like he hadn’t wooed her from the very start. Like his smile didn’t light up rooms. Like she hadn’t fought tooth and nail to get him out of Hell, back in her arms, only to lose him just the same.

Sabrina was quiet for several moments, unsure of what to say. With everything that had gone down between them—their partnering, their descent into love, searing kisses filling whatever slot of time they had free to themselves, smiles meant only for each other, and then their fall. Their yelling. Fighting. Accusing one another. Nick, reminding her that, at the end of the day, she was her father, through and through, and Sabrina, lashing back by using his insecurities against him, calling him a narcissist when she knew he could hardly stand himself. All because they were hurt.

But at the very end of it all, she knew she could never hate Nick. Or even dislike him. 

“I like you,” she admitted. Nick snorted like she had just made a joke.

“Go inside, Sabrina,” Nick said. “Go find someone to dance with. Don’t waste away your mortal years sitting off to the side. It’s not like you.”

He was right. She only had so much time with her mortals, but she also couldn’t bear to tear herself away from him, either.

“There isn’t anyone I want to dance with,” she explained.

Nick actually smiled at that. “I don’t blame you. Mortals are so clumsy on their feet.”

She rolled her eyes at him, playfully. “Right. If that’s the case, then why don’t you dance with me? If I remember correctly, you aren’t so bad on your feet.”

Sabrina almost regretted it as soon as she said it, but she hadn’t been able to help thinking back to the Sweetheart’s dance, to dancing with Nick under the red lights and heart-shaped balloons and feeling so… _happy._

Nick glanced at her for a moment, as though disbelieved that she’d asked him, and then slowly, he offered his hand, palm up, for her to take.

“Until Prudence comes back,” he said. “She’ll have my head for getting distracted.” 

Sabrina offered him a small smile, taking his hand carefully and stepping closer, but leaving enough space as to not make it awkward. “Forget Prudence for now,” she said.

They swayed together, the subtle sound of the music pouring through the door Sabrina had left ajar pushing them along. She didn’t realize it when they drifted closer, Nick’s hand settling tentatively at her waist. 

For the most part, Sabrina tried to keep her eyes every but on his face. It was nice to dance with him again, but the pain of knowing he was right there, close enough to reach, but still so far, was almost unbearable. She could put her hand out and touch Nick, but she couldn’t hold him, couldn’t kiss him, couldn’t slot her nose into the corner of his neck like she had once loved to do. Couldn’t run her fingers through his curls, hear him sigh against her lips. Could be the first person Nick loved, but not the last.

It was quiet, neither of them offering anything in terms of conversation, and the air hung thick between them. 

When Sabrina finally braved it and looked up at Nick, she saw that he was somewhere else, watching her so intently it made her heart swell painfully. His gaze was tender, dark eyes soft, an ache radiating from him so severe it made her shiver.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Sabrina almost pleaded.

Nick stirred, as though awoken suddenly. He dropped his gaze, embarrassed, and asked, “Like what?”

The words hurt coming up, clawing painfully at her throat. 

“Like you still love me.”

Nick’s gaze met hers again, his expression hurt, like she had just slapped him, or spat in his face a second time.

“Did…Did you think that I’d stopped?” he asked, his voice torn, raw. Sabrina couldn’t stop the tear that slid down her cheek, and his hand rose, cautiously, to wipe it away. “You know that’s not why I did what I did, Sabrina.”

“It doesn’t stop it from hurting." 

“It doesn’t,” came Nick’s quiet admission.

“Idiot,” a voice snapped from the steps. They drew away from each other to see Prudence watching them, her glare visible even with the distance. The tight dress she had worn to the dance was torn above the knees, no doubt by her, the edges fluttering in the breeze. “I left you to survey the area, you complete buffoon, not to cream your pants.” She withdrew a sword from behind her back and motioned for them both to follow. “Hurry, there’s something out front. My father was kind enough to send us a gift.”


	4. Why are you wearing my sweater?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why are you wearing my sweater?” 
> 
> “Because it smells like you.”

Whenever Nick woke up in the Academy, it was usually to silence and the smell of old books, spilled ink from a late-night study session, or the bruising of someone’s lips on his skin. When he'd been under the influence of the Dark Lord and abusing himself within an inch of his life, he’d fallen asleep and woken to the taste of absinthe, and the burning desire for the bottle of clear liquid he’d shortly kept in his bedside table.

At the Spellman mortuary, he rose every morning to the sound of laughter and the smell of a home-cooked breakfast. He rose to Hilda’s motherly hand as she guided him to the table, to Ambrose’s jostling as he joined them, to Sabrina’s lips, pressing kisses down his spine—the last being his favorite. Despite the thrill of it, he was still getting used to it all, and some mornings, he had to take several minutes to himself in bed, to prepare himself.

That morning after leaving the shower, he felt around for his sweater and came up empty. After minutes of searching and finally declaring it gone to the void—or Hilda’s prized washing machine, Nick found one of his spare button-downs in Sabrina’s dresser. He descended the stairs a little later, eager for whatever Hilda had whipped up that morning.

Stepping into the kitchen, he’d nearly collided with the youngest witch of the household. 

“Good morning,” Sabrina greeted, stepping up on her toes to kiss him, her hand holding the plate of breakfast she had prepared for herself from the little buffet like area Hilda had set up.

“Hi,” Nick aside, finger under her chin as he tilted her head up, not quite done with the affection. When she finally stepped back to smile at him, Nick caught sight of where his sweater had gone. Sabrina was wearing it. It was a charcoal colored thing, hanging loose on her, the front tucked into one of her plaid skirts, a pair of panty-hose underneath to match.

Nick fought off the urge to grin as he asked, “Why are you wearing my sweater?”

Sabrina looked down, as though just now noticing. “Oh!” The smile she gave him was so sweet, Nick nearly melted at her feet. “Because it smells like you.”

Ambrose piped up from the table. “I knew that wasn’t yours. It smelled too expensive.”

“Pipe down,” Sabrina shot back without missing a beat. She returned her attention to Nick, ignoring the faces her cousin was making at them. “I’ve got a big exam at school today, and I thought it might help me stress less if it felt like you were with me. I hope you don’t mind.”

Ambrose made a gagging sound. Her aunt Zelda rolled her eyes so severely Sabrina thought she might have caught a glimpse of her own brain for a second. 

Nick, meanwhile, felt like he might burst, heat unfolding in his chest like a fresh blossom. He tried not to seem too overcome by the small gesture that, even though it made him incredibly happy. He kissed her on the cheek and then wandered off to get his own breakfast, Hilda already offering him a plate and a pinch on the cheek.

“I don’t mind at all, Spellman, but I expect it back,” he said with a playful wink. “Besides, I don’t know why you’re so stressed out. I helped you study, so if anything, you’re relying on my knowledge, and witches ace high-school level mortal math by the time they’re kids.”

“It’s true,” Zelda confirmed. “The mortals are so behind in everything they do. It’s a miracle they haven’t gone extinct.”

“Uh, wow, part mortal here,” Sabrina said, pointing at her own chest. 

“Oh, hush and eat your breakfast,” Zelda grumbled and slipped back behind her newspaper.

Nick settled in beside Sabrina at the table, shortly sucked into the conversation, and the banter between the cousins. Hilda sneakily added more bacon onto their plates when she thought they weren’t looking, while Zelda lectured Sabrina on something Nick hadn’t really paid attention to.

Once breakfast was over, he stood up, helped Hilda rinse the dishes, and found Sabrina putting on her jacket in the hallway. He dropped a kiss on her head. “I’ll walk you to school, Spellman.” She agreed eagerly.

“Don’t forget,” Sabrina said, lacing her fingers through his as they started the walk to Baxter High, the chilled air nipping at their skin. “We’re seeing a movie with my friends tonight. I’ll give your sweater back after.”

“Hang on to it,” Nick said. “Maybe then when I get it back, it’ll smell like you.”


	5. You come here often?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You come here often?”
> 
> “Well considering I work here, yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little prompt set in the [If You Let Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22167097/chapters/52917553) universe.

The bell above the bookstore’s door chimed as someone entered, Nick glancing up from his spot on the old green chaise at the center of the store and squinting through the maze-like shelves to get a look at who it was. It was a slow day, and she was the only customer he’d had in hours, but he didn’t mind. It meant he could lay back and read, which really, was the reason why he worked in a bookstore to begin with. 

The girl wandered in, hair as white as the moon, lips a sinful red, bringing with her a swell of the sweet summer air from outside. Nick sat up, watching her maneuver around the stacks of books and through the narrow shelves, grinning when she stumbled upon him. He shut the book with an audible thump and tried no to appear too eager when he stood.

“Welcome to Cassius’” he greeted, and she smiled, the apples of her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink. 

“Hi,” she said in return. “I was hoping you could help me locate a copy of _Pride and Prejudice_. See, my cousin borrowed my copy and lost it in the chaos that is his bedroom.”

Nick hummed. “Jane Austen. You must be a romantic.”

“I guess so.” Her smile bloomed completely, the sharp curve of her lips so thrilling he nearly swayed on his feet on his way over to her. “I’m rather partial to Mr. Darcy.”

“Who isn’t,” Nick commented as he led her a few aisles down, pursing his lips as his eyes scanned the shelves. Finally, he reached up and over his head, drawing out an old copy and brushing off the thin line of dust from the cover. He would have to come through and do a sweep of the romance section, give them a proper sorting and clean, but for now, the hint of dust was admittedly a little charming. She watched him intently, lip between her teeth, eyeing his hands as he gave the book a once over and finally, held it out to her. “Here you are, lovely.”

“Lovely?” she snorted, taking the copy, Nick noting the way her fingers lingered, brushing his. “Do you call all of your customers that?”

Nick licked his lips, tried to keep his tone even when she gave him a little eye-roll and he nearly chuckled. “Only the very pretty ones like yourself.”

“Hmm,” she mused, glancing down one end of the aisle, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I don’t think I’m done shopping yet. I think I still might need your help, if that’s alright.” Then she was off, slipping down the aisle, tossing him a playful look over her shoulder. Nick followed her, drawn like a fish on a line. 

She picked up speed, disappearing behind another shelf before he could catch where she’d gone. He followed the sound of her voice, the little giggles she sounded like she was trying to suppress and failing. It was when he turned the corner, lost in sorting out which way she’d gone, that he was ambushed and pushed back against the shelf. He groaned, low and rough, when her petite frame pinned him there.

Anticipation swirled in Nick, growing like a wildfire when the palm pressed against his chest slid up to the bare skin of his neck, then to his jaw, angling his face down with just the right amount of bite and aggression. 

That was, until she wagged her brows and asked, “So, you come here often?” and Nick nearly burst out laughing.

“Well, uh,” Nick began, speaking through a quickly spreading grin, “considering I work here, yes.” He angled his face and dropped a quick kiss on her lips, the corners of his own still curved up. “Nice one, Spellman. Has that worked for you in the past?”

Sabrina pouted. “Look, I panicked a little there. Your eyes went all sultry and it threw me off.” With her book in one hand and his hand in the other, she stepped back, tugging him along with her through the labyrinth of bookshelves until they were heading toward the entrance. 

“Good to know I have that effect on you. I’ll keep it noted in case it comes in handy later on— _hey.”_ He jumped a little when she unexpectedly started patting him down, fishing out his keys a second later like a prize. “What are you doing?”

“You’re taking a lunch break and I’m joining you,” Sabrina said as she locked the door and flipped the open sign to read closed. Once again, she took his hand, but this time, she led him off toward the stockroom at the back of the store. The anticipation flared back up in Nick when she shut the door behind them. 

Unable to keep his hands off of her any longer, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, groaning softly when Sabrina sank her teeth into his lower lip. He guided her back, feeling around with a blind hand and pushing loose books and other papers off to the side on the desk they kept there before he lifted her onto it.

“So, I’m lovely?” Sabrina sighed against his lips when his hands slid under her blouse. Her own dainty little fingers fumbled with his belt, driving him wild with desire.

“As lovely as they come, Spellman.”


	6. I'm leaving.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m leaving.” 
> 
> “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.”

The red wallpapered hallways of the Academy seemed to be eating Sabrina the further she delved into them, the clicking of her shoes echoing almost disjointedly behind her, as though the sound didn’t quite line up to her footsteps. The old magic wound deep around the bones of the school sometimes felt maddening, like entering a kaleidoscope, if she went too long without setting foot in the building.

And she had gone the entirety of the summer without so much as thinking of the Academy, her courses remaining unfinished, books tossed to the side as though forgotten. She was having a blast with her mortal friends, spending nights at the theater then gathering around a booth in Dr. Cerberus’ to discuss, heading out for weekend trips to Sweetwater and swimming until her legs hurt, ignoring her aunt Zelda every time she tried to remind Sabrina she had duties at the school.

Zelda had finally had enough of her constant skipping out. Any time any sort of ritual came up at the Academy, any sort of celebration, Sabrina found some way out of it. Now, with the Summer Solstice on its way, Zelda had threatened to hex her if she didn’t show up, and Sabrina was on her way to her office in hopes of sorting it all out, maybe hoping her aunt would take pity on her and leave her to enjoy her mortal years in peace until she simply _had_ to return.

As she was coming up on the doors to the High Priestess’ office, a figure was leaving.

“Nicholas,” Sabrina said before she could stop herself, surprise ringing in her voice at the sight of him. She hadn’t seen him in months, and she would by lying if she said it hadn’t been on purpose. 

He looked a little different, a bit tidier than she remembered, his hair trimmed back so the curls were no longer unruly, swept back in that effortless style she’d remembered him favoring. His clothes were dark, pressed, worn with intent instead of pulled on as a last-minute thought. Her stomach dropped when her gaze settled on the bag swung over his shoulder, the jacket draped over his arm, the air around him that oddly felt temporary. Like he had already disappeared.

His eyes, still as dark as she recalled, snapped up to meet hers. 

“Sabrina.”

They stared at each other for a moment, Nick not tearing his eyes from her, a somber expression on his face, his lips parted as though ready to say something. Why did it seem like he was trying to commit her to memory? 

“What are you doing?”

It took Nick a second to say anything, as if seeing her had just forced him to reset, had thrown him off balance. Finally, he said, “I’m leaving.” 

Something hot welled up in Sabrina. Something sharp, tearing through her on the way up. She didn’t have to question him any further to know that he meant the Academy, meant Greendale, maybe even meant the country. She could tell as much from the look on Nick’s face that he didn’t intend to come back, either, and that running into her wasn’t something he’d planned for. Which meant that he’d wanted to disappear without her ever knowing.

“Of course you are,” she snapped, unable to stop herself, “that’s all you know how to do, isn’t it, Nick?”

Nick flinched from her tone, but his features hardened quickly after that, dark brows furrowing. “What is that supposed to mean, Sabrina? If I remember correctly, I haven’t seen you around here in months.”

“That’s different and you know it,” she shot back, fists clenching at her sides. Surely, he knew why she was staying away. He had sent her off, and she had kept away because the Academy was _his_ home, he’d said so himself, once. 

“Yeah? Enlighten me, then,” Nick said. “You washed yourself of everything, maybe some of us want to do the same.”

“I’m not here partly because you got sick of looking at me. That’s what you said, isn’t it? I figured I’d do you a favor and not show my face around here then,” she snapped, her tone meant to pierce, pulling from the argument they’d had in the woods when Nick shouted at her that all he saw when he looked at her was her father. “You’re leaving because you refuse to face anything.”

Nick’s jaw tensed.

“You left for Hell, Nick, you offered yourself up because you wanted to make it up to me, instead of facing me and apologizing for lying to me for months so that we could move past it—”

“You really think your father would have just let us talk it out after he crowned you his child bride? _Really,_ Sabrina? I did that for you,” Nick snapped. “So that you wouldn’t have to be Lucifer’s queen, but you threw that right back at my face, didn’t you? You gladly took the crown anyway. The only fucking difference was that you let your father break me down for weeks first.”

Sabrina felt her heart tighten in her chest at the reminder of it. Those grueling weeks she’d spent trying to sort out how to get to him. Not sleeping. Hardly eating. Bringing her mortal friends into it, ignoring their concerns that she was overworking herself.

“And I did it as a last resort, Nick, you know that. I did it for you. I became Queen for you, but it didn’t matter either, because you went and left me again the second I got you back to go and mess around with sex demons and get wasted within an inch of your life.” It was a low blow, she knew it, especially after she had told herself she’d forgiven him for that. Nick had not been in his right mind, she’d said so herself, and yet, here she was, throwing it at him again.

Nick was rigid, his lips set in a straight line. “I don’t want to talk about this right now, Sabrina, just drop it.”

“Of course you don’t. You never did. You would have rather let it _ruin you_ than to let me try and help you.”

“When was I supposed to ask for your help? At the fucking carnival in front of your friends? Or was I supposed to wait until you were done with your queenly duties for the evening, or after you were done flirting with that blonde prick?” Nick asked, and when Sabrina opened her mouth to respond, he continued, “At the time, I would have rather you left me in the pit of Hell with whatever sliver of honor I had left than for you to have dragged me out of there and then left me to ruin myself here on Earth where everyone could watch.”

“I wanted to help you!” Sabrina cried back, tears welling in her eyes at her frustration. She couldn’t imagine leaving Nick down there. “It kills me every day that I couldn’t help you, that I couldn’t get you out of there sooner. That I hadn’t listened to you when you told me you still felt him there. But the truth is, we’re just kids, Nick, how were we supposed to navigate this to perfection?”

“Isn’t that the fucking truth,” Nick groaned in agreement a moment later.

They locked eyes, staring at each other. It was the truth. At sixteen, what did she know about fixing people? Or being the literal descendent of the Devil? And he hadn’t exactly been dealt the proper resources to figure himself out, either, because witches didn’t operate like mortals. They didn’t pay for therapy or seek help from others. They were told to deal with it themselves, to hide away their hurt like it was shameful. So Nick had done just that.

At least, Sabrina realized guiltily, she had walked away from the Academy because she had that luxury. Meanwhile, Nick had stayed there, every bit of the place reminding him of the hand he had been dealt, and what he had dealt back in response. She had been too preoccupied with the way no one in the Academy looked at her the same anymore to realize he was in the same boat. Once, he had been the selfless boy who had trapped the Devil in his body, but now, he was the boy who had set him free in exchange for a high he had hoped would kill him.

They had both sunk their claws into each other, had refused to acknowledge it until they’d left gashes so deep they were unmendable. 

When Nick spoke again, after several seconds of charged silence, his demeanor was calmer, his voice a tad softer.

“You wanted to help, I know. But you can’t, Sabrina. The only person that can help me is me. The only person that has to live with everything I’ve done is me, and I’m trying. That’s why I broke up with you, because it was selfish to love you after everything I put you through, and I needed time and space to forgive myself, and…It’s really difficult. It’s difficult to know that everyone else is moving on, and I can’t get over what happened to me. So I need to leave. For now or forever, I don’t know, but I need to, Sabrina.” 

Carefully, he stepped a little closer to her.

“I’m sorry. I know I never really said that to you, and I know that it isn’t enough, but I am. I’m sorry for everything, Sabrina. I never wanted to hurt _you.”_

_I only wanted to hurt myself._

He didn’t have to say it for her to understand what he’d meant.

“I’m sorry, too, Nick. I’ve made comments I shouldn’t have and—”

“At the end of the day, you saved my life, Spellman,” he said, trying the name out again a little timidly. “You got me clean. You fought to let me have a second chance, and I don’t plan to waste it.” He paused. “You loved me. You showed me how to love.”

“I _still_ love you, Nick, I—” _I tried to sever my feelings but it didn’t work,_ “I do.”

“And I still love you,” he told her without a shred doubt in his voice. “But I need time.”

Sabrina nodded, felt a tear spill down her cheek finally. She wiped at it before he could, afraid that if he touched her again, she wouldn’t be able to let him go. “I know,” she said quietly. Nick hiked the bag up higher on his shoulder, giving her an apologetic look. He had to go. Sabrina had to let him go. “Stay safe, please.”

“I will.”

Sabrina nodded. That was that, then. “Goodbye, Nick.”

He gave her a shoulder a squeeze when he brushed past her. “See you, Sabrina.”


	7. You're an idiot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re an idiot.” 
> 
> “But you love me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also set in the [If You Let Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22167097/chapters/52917553) universe. 
> 
> Nick gets his wisdom teeth removed. It was meant to fit between their initial 'I love yous' and the event in Amalia's dining room afterward, but ended up ultimately never getting written and cut from the outline, so here it is as an extra, deleted scene!

Sabrina turned back once to bid Mrs. Devon, the receptionist at the Greendale Dentistry, a goodbye, before she looped her elbow through Nick’s and led them toward the car. Ambrose had loaned her his that morning, letting her know she was more than welcome to use it to drive Nick to and from the appointment he had booked to remove his wisdom teeth.

It had started off fine, Nick going from, _it’s just four teeth, Spellman, how bad can it be,_ to, _oh god, Sabrina, get me the hell out of here,_ the second he entered the building to hear the grinding of a dental drill from a nearby room. It had ended with Sabrina forcefully pushing him into the room, sitting him down in the chair, and kissing him once before she was asked to leave and sit back in the waiting room. On her way out, just to be a pain, she had said: _Good luck, Nick, hope they take the right ones out_ , watching as his face dissolved into pure, undiluted fear at the sudden thought.

Afterward, one of the lovely hygienists had escorted Nick back out to her, and it had taken every fiber of her being not to laugh at his puffed up cheeks from the gauze they’d shoved in his mouth to help with the bleeding and the overall glazed over appearance to him. She was certain Nick was worlds away, floating on some far off cloud.

“S’brina,” Nick said when she tucked him into the passenger side of Ambrose’s jeep, “Ms. Beverly said I’m handsome. Know what I said back? I said—” He broke off, unable to hold back his laugh any longer, “I said: I’m handy, too. Get it? Like ‘cause of my hands? I have those. Look.” He held up his hands as though just now realizing they were there.

“That’s nice, Nick,” Sabrina said, shutting the door on him. He kept talking to himself as though she could still hear him while she walked off to the other side and got into the driver’s side, Nick not pausing at all. She did what any good girlfriend would in that scenario, she took out her phone and set it to record, stuck in the cup holder with the camera pointed at him, and started the car. She thought Nick might appreciate it later.

“Babe. Babe. Ba- _by,”_ Nick slurred in the passenger side as she pulled out of her parking spot, his voice rising in intensity. “There’s stuff coming out of my mouth, I think I’m dying. Hurry, go back.”

“Aw,” Sabrina realized, “It’s just a little bit of drool. You’re having a hard time keeping your mouth shut right now—literally and figuratively. Here.” She stuck a napkin out toward him. 

He was quiet for a few moments. They got at least a mile down the road before he started up again, this time asking, “Can we get a milkshake?”

“Maybe,” Sabrina considered. The cold would be a relief on his gums, and the Dentist had recommended he wait an hour at least before he ate, so by the time she set him on the couch at Amalia’s, he’d be good to go. But…“No straw, though. You’ll have to use a spoon because your stitches are still fresh and you’ll risk messing them up.”

“What the fuck,” Nick said. “How is that fair?”

“It’s not, but you have to follow it.”

“Can I at least have a cheeseburger?”

“I don’t recommend it,” Sabrina told him. 

“Turn around,” Nick said with great urgency. “I want my teeth back and a refund.”

“I’m not sure they can do that, Nick,” Sabrina replied while trying to keep a straight face. 

“Make them,” he argued, his words hardly clear through the gauze. “You’re a lawyer.”

“Why don’t you put on one of your audiobooks for the ride back? I’ll stop and get you a shake soon,” Sabrina suggested. “And I’ll call Hilda and request she start a pot of chicken soup for you.”

“The only thing hotter than Hilda’s soup is her niece,” Nick said. “Best part is I can eat both.”

He turned to her and attempted to wink, only he was still loopy from the anesthesia so he just blinked. When he tried again, the same thing happened. 

Through a cloud of confusion, Nick said, “I think something’s wrong with my eyes,” and Sabrina couldn’t help but laugh. Loudly.

“You’re an idiot,” she said warmly.

“But I’m your idiot, and you love me.”

Sabrina looked over at him and smiled. “How could I not?”


	8. Come home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to bring back those magic markers Sabrina and Nick had in part 3--or as Roz referred to them, that thing Sabrina used to IM Nick.
> 
> Set some time after what we assume will happen in Part 4.

Nick followed Ambrose down the stone street to their inn, a small building on the outskirts of the quaint village in southern France they were currently visiting. He dropped his hand on Ambrose’s shoulder when he started to sway a bit, straightening him up before he walked into a streetlight. 

“If Zelda finds out you had a whole bottle of wine to yourself when we’re meant to be meeting with another coven in the morning, she’s going to have your head,” Nick said, “and mine, too.”

“Relax,” Ambrose drawled. “A bottle of wine for a warlock isn’t anywhere near enough to get drunk. We aren’t meeting with the High Priest for several more hours, and what my auntie doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

Nick shook his head. Several years after the fall of Blackwood and his terrors, the merging of both Sabrinas, and the sorting out of Hell’s policies, the Order of Hecate had finally found enough peace and time to expand, meeting with and successfully drawing in other covens. Sabrina and Prudence had been sent out on their own mission just the week before, having only returned a day or so before Ambrose and Nick had been tasked with speaking to the small French coven.

“Still shouldn’t push it,” Nick suggested.

Ambrose glanced over his shoulder, a brow quirked as he asked, “When did that stick get there?”

“What?”

“The one up your ass, mate,” Ambrose explained with a hearty laugh. “Did my cousin put it there when she made you promise to behave?”

Nick rolled his eyes and held back a laugh of his own. “We’re here on behalf of your aunt and the coven—not for fun.”

“Would be nice, though, don’t you think?” Ambrose asked. “For the four of us to come back here again? Strictly for pleasure, though.”

“I wouldn’t hate that,” Nick said, casting his eyes back out over the town. It was certainly romantic and he wouldn’t mind spending some time exploring it with Sabrina. 

“Done and done,” Ambrose declared as he stepped through the inn’s entrance. “Next time we get a break.”

Nick was just about to agree but paused in place suddenly. He glanced down at his hand as a brush of magic tickled his palm, like a kiss, and smiled when he saw the writing. _I miss you,_ it said, written in black ink. After a second, it vanished and was replaced by: _Come home?_

His quiet smile expanded into a full grin and he paused for a moment, leaning against the door frame of the inn while Ambrose stumbled up the steps, drawing out the black marker from his back pocket. Nick shut and opened his hand, erasing the message, before he wrote one of his own.

_Love and miss you,_ he sent. _Be home soon. Wait for me?_

It didn’t take long for her response.

_Always,_ Sabrina returned, and Nick’s chest tightened as a tiny, hand-drawn heart appeared right beneath it.


	9. Cheers, I'll drink to that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cheers, I’ll drink to that.” 
> 
> “You drink to everything.” 
> 
> “Cheers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one requested for our favorite cousins :)

Sabrina plopped down beside Ambrose on the loveseat in the Spellman living room. Aside from the old box TV humming in the background, it was mostly quiet, the aunties out and about. She draped her legs across Ambrose’s lap and leaned back into the cushions.

“You look bored,” Ambrose said.

Sabrina shrugged. “I’m not,” she said, “I’m just…I don’t know. I don’t really know how to explain it.” When her cousin raised a brow and looked back at her in concern, Sabrina continued. “Nothing has happened in twenty-four hours. For the last week, _something_ has happened every single day, but today…nothing. I just…I don’t know how to feel about it.”

There hadn’t been any threat from Blackwood’s newly released terrors, no pull from the realm below. Things were silent, and Sabrina would be lying if she didn’t admit it was putting her slightly on edge. 

She was used to action, used to something popping by the hour. She hadn’t had a chance to rest at all the days following Nick’s return and her acceptance of the crown the first go around, so having a moment to herself felt odd. It almost felt selfish to enjoy it.

Even the weeks following the plan to secretly keep herself separate from…well, her other self, had been spent pouring all of her energy into her mortal life, spending whatever bit of time she had with her friends, reveling in the freedom. She still hadn’t quite had the time to just sit down, and then everything with Blackwood had come flooding back, washing away any chance of it.

So yeah, Sabrina was on edge.

Ambrose, however, hopped up from the couch, knocking her legs off as he bounced off toward their makeshift bar area, reaching for a bottle of his aged whiskey—the one he only cracked open in celebration. He poured a generous amount into two rocks glasses and brought them over, handing her one. 

Clanking his against hers, he said, “Cheers, I’ll drink to that.”

Sabrina scrunched up her face. She didn’t care for whiskey herself, but she could manage it. “You drink to everything,” she told him, taking a sip and instantly cringing at the taste of it, but keeping it down.

“Cheers!” Ambrose said in her place, ignoring her.

Sabrina sighed and shook her head. Things might have been okay in that moment, but a war was still brewing, a Queen was still rising in power, and Sabrina Spellman, though she didn’t know it yet, was slowly falling in the opposite direction, her own power dwindling as it was funneled down to her counterpart. 

But at least, at that moment, she could share a drink with her cousin.


	10. Darling, I love you, but please step out of the kitchen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in [Lessons in the Unseen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827967/chapters/46950226) universe! If you haven't read that fic, some parts of this may not make sense, but the general idea remains clear.

Sabrina took her time walking up the stone pathway leading to their home. Her day at the Academy had been long and tiring, several exams doled out, and then a session spent tutoring a group of younger students afterward. She had stayed well after her normal hours and had sent Nick home despite their plans to go to dinner. Nick had been hesitant to leave, given that it was meant to be their anniversary dinner, but he gave in because he knew just how dedicated she was to the Academy. He wasn’t any different, himself.

She eyed the home as she went up the steps, noting how much warmer it felt now. She and Nick had moved into his family’s abandoned home after their wedding, the one they had spent several weeks fixing up after the threat of the witch-hunters passed and things settled down once more. His father’s office had been reordered and tidied and now, it was their place of study. His mother’s solarium was up and running again, lavender growing in abundance. They had their morning coffees and evening teas out there. And the kitchen that had once felt so cold had hosted several family dinners over the years—from just the pair of them and Salem, to her entire family at times, the aunties and Ambrose visiting whatever chance they could get.

When she entered, she noticed a pungent burning scent hanging in the air and immediately grew concerned. 

“Nick?”

“Uh—Shit,” came a voice, “in the kitchen, babe!”

Sabrina followed his voice and found him in the kitchen, fumbling with the oven.

“Son of a Hellhound,” Nick grumbled over a tray of what she assumed were supposed to be roasted vegetables, but had come out more charred than anything. Sabrina scrunched up her nose at the smell of it.

“What are you doing?” she asked, setting the bag she was holding down on the counter beside him. “I stopped by Dr. Cee’s and got us dinner, babe.”

Nick shut the oven off before it caused another accident and turned to look at her. The apron he was wearing was one from the matching set Hilda had gifted them as a housewarming gift, since they had moved out of the mortuary and would have to do most of their own cooking. She thought he looked adorable in it, even more so with the pouted, disgruntled look he currently wore.

“I wanted to make you dinner,” he explained. “Since you had to stay late and we missed our reservation. I thought it would nice to have it ready for you when you returned, but I didn’t really take into consideration my still very budding cooking skill.”

Sabrina smiled, her chest warming as she went forward to hug him, nuzzling her nose into the junction of his neck. He smelled a little bit like the burnt vegetables he had been fumbling with, but she still loved him all the same. Nick rubbed her back and she pulled back just enough to kiss him on the lips.

“That’s so sweet, Nick, thank you,” she said kindly. 

“I’d say ‘you’re welcome’, but I didn’t exactly accomplish anything, so.” He smiled. “I guess it’s good you still went and stopped at Cee’s.”

“Well, yeah,” Sabrina said with a little giggle. “Were you planning on making anything else aside from the veggies?”

Nick deadpanned and untangled himself from Sabrina’s arms, rushing over to the fridge and swinging the door open. 

“Shit, I completely forgot about the chicken!”

Sabrina broke out laughing, unable to stop herself even when Nick turned to look at her, in disbelief over how he had managed to forget such a crucial ingredient. 

“It’s not funny, Spellman,” Nick said. “Your aunt is the one who gave me the recipe. She’s going to call me back and ask me how it went and I can’t lie to your aunt.”

Sabrina laughed harder, clutching her side. She couldn’t believe Nick, her Nick, the genius professor with several difficult magic accomplishments under his belt and the best binder and conjurer since Edward Spellman, had managed to forget the main course.

“It’s hilarious. You forgot the chicken in a chicken roast.” she defended between gulps of air. Nick, fighting back a smile, came up behind her and tugged her still laughing form into his arms, her shaking against him. Soon enough, Nick broke, too, and started to quietly laugh along. Even though a dinner would have been nice, she wouldn’t trade laughing with her husband—the love of her life—in the home they had patched back up together, for absolutely anything. 

After a few minutes, Sabrina drew away from him as they settled down. He followed her, intending to help.

“Darling, I love you and all,” she told him, leftover giggles still making her shoulders shake. “but please step out of the kitchen. Go and set the table or something.”

Nick stuck another kiss onto her cheek before she could brush him off, saying, “You won’t be laughing when I show you what’s for dessert.”


	11. You should probably go home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should probably go home.” 
> 
> “But I’m already home.”

They stumbled out of Dorian’s in the early hours of the morning, untangling themselves from the crowd of dancers at the center of the bar to escape out into the chilled air. It did nothing to cut the current mood, and they swayed into one another despite neither having touched a drink that whole evening. Nick didn’t drink anymore, given what it had done to him in the past—he said it tasted rancid after the cleansing ritual, anyway—and Sabrina had been too preoccupied with him to even consider ordering anything.

His lips found the corner of her upturned mouth, kissing her once before sliding down to her jaw. Her fingers tangled in his hair, tugged just hard enough to make him moan quietly against her skin as he backed them both up against the side of the building.

“Lupercalia is next week,” Nick whispered against the spot right underneath her ear and she shivered so hard it made him chuckle. He knew exactly what he was doing to her, but she could play too. Letting her palm slide along his chest, down and down, Sabrina watched his smug expression dissolve into one of pleased surprise, as though he hadn’t quite expected her boldness. 

“It is,” Sabrina replied. “Remember what I said last time?”

“You asked whether I thought we’d be together this year,” Nick replied with a crooked smile.

“We weren’t for a while,” Sabrina said, remembering all they’d been through. “But we found our way back.” Even she had to admit they were stronger the second time around—wiser. Especially with everything that had happened the previous year. 

“I’d hoped we would.”

Sabrina drew him in for a kiss, lingering until she was certain they were both seeing stars. When they finally drew apart, she felt dizzy and was grateful that she had him to hang onto.

“Think we’ll get matched again this year?” Sabrina teased, sounding breathless from the kiss.

“I’m sure we’ll figure it out,” Nick said. “And my previous offer still stands, Spellman. If you’d rather have a movie night, or spend the night somewhere else, I’m all in.”

“We’ll see,” Sabrina replied, taking his hand. “The same goes for you too, you know. We don’t have to join the others if you would rather do something else. You don’t have to feel pressured, either.” She knew that Nick was still trying to strike a balance, to find a comfortable position in their worship and religion, given the betrayal he’d suffered from the last figure he had placed all of his faith into. 

Nick kissed her again. This time it was quieter, less heat than the first but still brimming with love. 

“Like you said, we’ll see,” he said several seconds later.

Sabrina smiled. “You should probably go home,” she decided. “I think Ambrose is going to be crawling out of there any moment now, so I’ll stick around to wait for him. I’ll see you back at the mortuary in a bit?”

Nick brought their joined hands up to brush his lips along the back of hers. “But I’m already home,” he reminded her, and her smile lit up brighter, the edges feathered with moonlight. It had taken Nick a long time to figure out that home wasn’t a place, wasn’t the cold halls of the Academy where he’d grown up, but rather, a person— _people_. The mortuary was nice in comparison, but the walls weren’t what made it warm, it was those inside it.

“Fine,” Sabrina relented easily. “We’ll wait together. But you’d better not complain tomorrow when I wake you up.”


	12. I'm pretty sure he's my soulmate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m pretty sure (you’re/she’s/he’s/they’re) my soulmate."

Sabrina traced her fingers down the soft black fabric of her dress, the chiffon overlay like smoke as it brushed along the floor. Her aunt Zelda had helped her pick it out, while her aunt Hilda had brought it to life, stitching it piece by piece until it came to be exactly as Sabrina had imagined it. She had spent hours on the lace trimmings of the bodice alone, wanting to use the tender touch of a loving hand over magic.

Her best friend, Roz, came to stand beside her in the mirror, her hands on Sabrina’s shoulders. She was older, wearing her age and wisdom proudly despite not looking as old as she was, at all. If Sabrina hadn’t grown up with her, she wouldn’t believe that she was nearing sixty years of age. Meanwhile, beside her, Sabrina herself looked young, still as fresh-faced as she was at seventeen, the magic in her veins supplying her with youth for centuries to come.

“You look beautiful,” Roz said with a warm smile. 

“Thank you,” Sabrina replied, her voice a little breathless. She still couldn’t quite believe she was getting married. For a witch her age, it might have still been too early to wed, but she wanted all of her mortal friends present at her wedding, which meant they didn’t have as much time as they had hoped. “Do you think Nick will like it?”

“Of course,” Roz assured without a shred of doubt. “I’m sure Nick would love you no matter what you chose. As nice as you look, I promise you, the second you step out onto that aisle, the very last thing on your mind will be what you’re wearing. His, too.”

Sabrina smiled at her. She had been there at Roz’s wedding years ago, too, had stood beside her in her dressing room while she had fussed over her own dress. That seemed like forever ago, now, but Sabrina still trusted her judgement.

“You’re right,” Sabrina said, exhaling deeply. She was certain the second she got to glance at her future husband, she would forget everything just as Roz had said.

“Nothing else matters, as long as the two of you are certain you are ready to take this next step,” Roz said.

“Nick and I are certain,” Sabrina said warmly, smiling at her reflection in the mirror. He’d had a large part in the wedding planning, himself, and Sabrina could, without a doubt, admit that he was excited. And she was, too. Not only to marry him, but to finally be able to officially call themselves a family, even though the Spellmans had accepted him ages ago. “It won’t matter if we do it today or in a hundred years. It wouldn’t change a thing. As cheesy as it sounds, I’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate, and now he’ll be my husband too.”

Roz smiled back while she reached up to tuck Sabrina’s veil into place. “Alright then. Ready to do this?”

“Yes,” Sabrina decided, tamping down her nerves. The whole coven was out there, and she did not need to worry about tripping over her own feet and falling on her ass, even though she was certain Prudence would have a blast if she did. 

While lifting the train of her dress with one hand, and linking her other arm through Roz’s, they left through the door, Sabrina meeting both of her aunties on the other side. They stand on either side of her, walking her down the aisle in place of her father, something that felt bittersweet to Sabrina. While she was overjoyed to have her aunts there, she did also feel as though there were two people missing. Four, if they counted Nick’s parents, too.

However, even as the nerves threatened to choke her again, she found that Roz was right. 

The very second she stepped into the desecrated Church, the rest of the world, at least for the time being, seemed to melt away.


	13. You started drinking again, didn't you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You started drinking again, didn’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References the second CAOS book, _Daughter of Chaos,_ by Sarah Rees Brennan toward the end.

The Academy’s library was a quiet place to get away. With the coven down in numbers and the general vastness of the library itself, it always seemed to be empty, the bustle of witches and warlocks now gone. The air was thick with the scent of stale paper, and if she listened closely, Sabrina could hear the gentle hum of magic as it worked to keep the books protected from the usual weathering that came with age.

She wandered through the different rooms and around shelves, navigating in search of her usual table. Back when things were normal for a bit, when they fretted over things like impossible exams and late assignments, she and Nick had secured a spot in the library to meet. And while things had seemingly returned to normal—but not at all, given the secret she was hiding, the whole other person, her copy, ruling Hell—she thought she might find solace in that one familiar thing.

However, she hadn’t expected to find him there at all.

Sabrina stopped short, the books she’d picked up nearly dropping out of her arms when Nick looked up in silent shock at being suddenly disturbed.

“Sorry,” she said instead of a greeting. “I’ll go somewhere else.” The very last thing she wanted to do was bother him, but before she could turn fully to leave, Nick spoke up.

“You can stay,” he said. “I don’t mind if you don’t. It’s just…habit.” He glanced around as if he had just then realized where he was seated. Perhaps he hadn’t even realized it himself when he took to their table. 

It took her a few seconds to register it, but then she thought it would be too weird to leave, so she sighed and plopped down in the chair across the table from him, leaving a considerable amount of space between them. It felt cold, unlike them. Once, Nick would press his chair right up against hers with the excuse that he wanted to check something in the book she’d had laid out before her, his first priority always to flirt even with the looming threat of a test hanging over their heads at the time.

_Mind if we share? I forgot my book in my room_ , Nick would say, and Sabrina would pretend to believe him even though she knew damn well his book had been left behind intentionally.

She missed that, didn’t realize how much she did until she was sitting there.

Now, Nick looked over at her, not quite making eye contact as he asked, “How are you?”

“Fine,” Sabrina said, and then exhaled while she opened up a couple of books and pulled out a notebook. “Listen, we don’t have to do this. Talk, I mean.”

“Okay,” Nick replied, dropping his gaze again, as though relieved that he didn’t have to hold half of a conversation they both knew would be filled with small talk and go absolutely nowhere. 

Sabrina let her gaze fall away too, but she found it hard to keep it there, eyes continuously flicking up to glance at him every now and again. She noticed he looked worn. Pale. His eyes heavy while he leaned over his text, fingers working through his curls in that fidgety way they did whenever he was stressed. 

“You started drinking again, didn’t you?” Sabrina asked before she could stop herself.

Nick glanced up again. “I thought we weren’t talking.”

“Nick,” Sabrina exhaled and Nick’s eyes snapped back down as though ashamed.

“No,” he admitted finally, his voice quiet, defeated. “I couldn’t anyway. It all still tastes rancid. Probably will for years.” 

Sabrina remembered that, Ambrose telling her the after-effects of the spell would make it so that Nick couldn’t fall back into alcohol as easily. By the time it wore off, she hoped Nick would be okay enough without it.

“Then what is it?” she asked timidly. “You look off.”

It took a few moments for Nick to respond, tapping his pen against the notebook he had open, his handwriting blurred together, not at all like the crisp writing in the notes Sabrina had borrowed in the past. 

“I’m just…tired,” he said. 

“Have you been sleeping?” she asked, sure that Nick would snap at her at any moment for prying and bugging him, but he didn’t. She remembered that Nick no longer had the remnants of the Dark Lord in him, that awful mess that had made him so angry all the time and prone to outbursts. Now, he was just sad.

He shrugged and said, “No, not really.”

Sabrina moved her chair a bit, shuffling it so that she cut the space between them in half. That felt more right, more like them. 

“Remember when we were in here researching with Prudence? You asked me to sing for you. Just for you,” she recalled with a small smile. “And then you fell right asleep. What was the point of asking if you were just going to pass out?”

That drew a chuckle out of him and a bit of a smile. “I do remember, but not much, because like you said, I was out.”

Sabrina laughed gently beside him, shaking her head at the memory. That had been before she and Nick had officially started dating, before the whole mess with Hell ever happened.

They settled into silence again, both of their eyes scanning their books. This time, it was comfortable. As they got back into their books, she started to hum, quiet at first, and by the time she got to the first verse of that very song she had sung for him in the past, Nick’s pen had already stilled on his page.

And by the time she finished the song completely, he had fallen asleep, his face peaceful as it rested on his arm on the open page of text before him. He slept for some time beside her while she read.

Eventually, Sabrina rose and packed her things, glancing over at him with a soft smile. She brushed back a stray curl from his face, pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead, and left, feeling slightly better about coming back to their table later.


	14. Your hair is really soft.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your hair is really soft.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is also set in [Lessons in the Unseen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827967/chapters/46950226) universe, really only noticeable if you squint.

“Nick,” Sabrina chided, “You really should take a break.”

She looked over at her boyfriend and the pile of textbooks he had taking up most of their coffee table. He was seated on a cushion and hunched over, pen in hand as he jotted something down, barely glancing up at her when she spoke. She had a book in her own hand, except hers was strictly for pleasure and she was comfortably splayed out on the couch.

“I’m busy,” Nick reminded her.

“Then un-busy yourself for a few minutes. I’m getting a backache just from looking at you.”

“Sabrina, I’m literally so close to finishing this,” he told her. “If I can cohesively organize all of my old and new research, your aunt said I can present it to the council again in hopes it’ll be enough this time. I might actually get to teach a class on this, and I’d have their blessing to continue working on it. I have to do this, okay? If you can’t look at me, go somewhere else.”

“Then why don’t you go into the study? You’re going to hurt your back bending over like that.”

“Because I want to be by you,” he said. “If I’m in the study, then I’m not spending time with you.”

“Even if I’m being annoying?” Sabrina asked with a sly smile. She reached behind her to grab the TV remote from the end table and, while looking away from her book briefly, she turned on the television and began flipping through until she settled on a docu-series about cryptids. From the corner of her eye, she caught Nick’s offended expression as he looked over at her. Documentaries were one of his favorite things to watch. It didn’t matter what mortal issues they covered—history, crime, mystery, or the paranormal—he would devour them.

“Sabrina,” Nick groaned. “That’s not fair.”

“Your weakness,” Sabrina pointed out. “You’ll have to take a break whether you want to or not.”

He sighed and considered it for a moment, his eyes flicking to the TV where the narrator began to introduce the topic of that particular episode—the Mothman of West Virginia. Then, he stood up and made his way over to the couch where she was, kissing her once before he squeezed in with her, his head making its way onto her chest. Sabrina’s fingers settled in his hair, stroking through his curls in that way she knew would relax him.

“Mortals are so cute,” Nick sighed as he let his gaze fall onto the television. “They make up such odd stories for the things they can’t explain.”

They settled in like that, her book discarded and his research forgotten for the moment, both of them relaxing. Sabrina became so enthused by the documentary that she nearly didn’t notice it when Nick fell asleep, her fingers stilling in his hair at some point. She let him rest while she continued with the documentary, too intrigued to shut it off even though she knew he would complain about her watching it without him later on.

Eventually, as it ended, Nick stirred awake, and then when he realized what had happened, he sat up, his balance slightly off and his eyes still bleary from sleep.

“Shit,” he grumbled. “I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep—it was only supposed to be a small break…”

“Shh,” Sabrina hushed, tugging him back down. He didn’t fight it, too tired as he settled back in, arms wrapping around her. “Leave it for the evening.”

“But I have so much to do,” he argued. “And you did that thing with my hair. You knew what you were doing.”

“I couldn’t help it,” she replied, smiling and smoothing back his hair again as though to make a point. “Your hair is really soft.”

“Mm,” he hummed, making no attempt to get up again as he reached for the throw blanket that was tossed over the back of the couch so that he could cover both of them. “Play another episode, Spellman.”


End file.
